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footprints
step by step i walk this path and live my dreams

chasing cars by snow patrol

Tuesday, August 29, 2006
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
10:17 PM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


to a better place

belief is a funny thing. no matter how you can try denying its existence or influence. it gets you. somehow. gran's still in hospital. didn't see her today cos still feeling kinda sick from yesterday's full day there. now, i'm not even sure if i wanna visit tom now that dad told me abt the prediction that sat might be the last day. word of a medium. the medium they've always relied on. for them to seek a source of comfort from. and for grans too. i don't know what to make of it. do i believe too? does it matter? somehow it does, cos it's finally put me to work on the photo collage project i've put off for qt a while, and yet at the same time i don't really wish to visit the hospital again, to look at her after knowing the ...possible eventual truth?

days are running out. and in some ways i really think it's good for her. it's all she's wanted for a long time already. and she's going to a better place. but in some selfish ways i wish it wasn't now. that it was earlier when i'm not around. or later when it just takes us all by surprise. maybe cos then i'll have the excuse to be too numb to respond. and just be glad she's found a better place.

perhaps it's all bs. now i'm not even sure to hope that or not.
8:48 PM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


decibel driven instanity

Sunday, August 27, 2006
1st week of school just came and gone..cant believe my initial drive to enter mugger-hood quickly dissolved within 24hrs of boldly declaring it to joel *sheepish* and fell back to the laziness, resulting in succumbing to the temptation of skipping 1st EBC class *sorely regretted when melvin told me how engaging ben chan was*

anyhows bounced back on Thursday again with IB and strategy and hit the lows on friday again missing 2 classes..in between helped out with smux n looking after grans..those 2 days really made me realised how much i don't wanna be back here, but have to..like a reality i keep trying to run away from but have to face eventually. now.

fortunately there're still random moments of peace amongst the constant chatter, droons and noise. thank god for these moments instanity is still kept at bay, as i learn to laugh off the fuss, the silliness, well generally the crazy pace people around here try to live up to..or maybe even out-live them..

2nd week's starting in 2 hrs..looking forward to ith with mixed emotions..well another challenge..another adventure maybe~ watershock's the coming weekend..kinda excited cos of the activities...;p planning a cheong-ing session with my girl-cousins..*a weird kinda cool* ;p
11:06 PM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


post exchange blues *freak*

Monday, August 07, 2006
4th day back in sunny old sg [way too sunny maybe?] still trying to aclimatise to the weather, surroundings, sounds, people. well missing the travelling life is part and parcel of this period i guess, that aside, it's probably more of the jumping straight back into the lives of my friends that makes it all the more..erm intentional and unnatural thus weird? it's funny how i never had such a problem..even after extended period of absence when we're in singapore, we seem to always be able to pick up right where we left off..but now..i actually sense that i have to make an extra effort to do so..just a lil..but enough to make me wonder if library level 4 will ever be home to me again. everyone says it's easy, i'm just freaking myself out. i hope so. really..? i think i hafta spend some time "touching my heart and ask myself".

that aside, internship woes are really starting to escalate as i realised what a precarious position my travelling and idling have gotten myself into. *freak* just 1 year left, no impressive grades nor job experience to brag about. how? *freak*
3:45 AM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


last night in oestrich

Wednesday, August 02, 2006
i walked away
again.
into the cold
with a lonely shadow
why?
i cry
silently
i can't love
a person
why?
i can't numb
and just let pleasure fill me
why?

it's cold tonight
as tears stream my face
why
why why
why
i can't numb myself
again
farewell.
this dream is over
i hope
it comes again.
till then.
farewell.
7:46 AM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


TwoMonthsInOneDay

Tuesday, August 01, 2006
haa ok..decided to finally do some decent updating of my blog again..well..so here goes another series of boring factual (as far as i rem correctly) updates..

france -> oestrich winkel

benito picked me up form the station..poor dear looked totally shagged out from almost 10 hours of meeting..well, we all still made it for barto that night..my last one..and only the frenchies were there..i'm not complaining..but just miss the others too..well..plus the right frenchie wasn't there *bleahz*

oestrich winkel -> innsbruck

nutting too exciting just the fact that i stood at the train exit for 5 min and watched the train stop at my station.pause.and left for the next station. [pls don't laugh too hard..it's frigging 3a.m. in the morning n i just traveled nonstop from 7am day before] thank god it wasn't heading to another godforsaken land. managed to meet the rest and hit snowboarding haven.


met the nicest family in innsbruck. super warm dudes and mom. great cook. au naturale food. Indescribable coziness. a new definition to making guests feel at home. i felt more at home than in my own bed at home.


innsbruck -> benelux

it was o.k. belgium was o.k. somehow the chocs are kinda overrated, but i bought some (a lil' more than some) anyways. i'm a cheap ass. ;p luxemburg pretty day trip place, maybe cos we didn't manage to travel out of the main city. only thrill there was losing my relatively unused eurail pass in quick (fastfood restaurant). lost-and-found. *whew* i shall not be greedy again and ppl at quick (at least that outlet) are honest. amsterdam. could have been better. with all the temptation of the 3 vices there, only did one..not exactly accomplished..missed heineken experience and enviously watch pq and rq sway in the silly video. [you should get them to air it ;p] visit to the fishing village was nice, at least something different and fresh air ;p watched marc stone then k-o for 1 hour at our dorm. tt was pretty funny ;p

benelux -> stockholm

pq great search. for chocolates and shoes and clothes. hee well..what new right? ;p spotted a pretty "pause" logo. digs up fond memories of LTB. if i could turn back time..i wish.well stockholm was pretty enuff on it's own so didn't do too much sightseeing..just the castle and a lot of the shopping street. lotsa cooking for dinner, for lunch..even convinced the hostel dudes they should get sg wives. funny mexicans ;p well rq did do the the dishes so kinda squares things out. ;p caught opening match at the hostel. oh yeah, do NOT ever go for a 40 bed dorm. they DO mean 40 bed dorm. don't be a cheap ass like me. ;p

stockholm -> copenhagen -> oestrich winkel

well copen..pretty much bumming as my last entries..but nice..hee saw the filthiest kitchen but lived through it w/o major conflicts with the digestive tract. met chris's and pq's nice rommies (who i suspect contributed to the mess). well at least the guys were decent enough to warn me beforehand. ;p watch poland lose to germany. pity. sigh.

caught up with ben in oestrich. sent off my first 20kg, kisses to sebs for helping though it probably took away all residual energy he had that afternoon. pang seh-ed him for frenchies' dinner gathering (which he was there *darn*pouts*). but had a great meal with ben just chilling out and chatting sg style. well if only we had all soent more time like tt i'd probably have really cried when i left.

oestrich winkel -> stuggart

visited jessie, got a taste of typical german family life. i think. a very christian one too. she gave me a little bible at the end of it. it's still tucked away somewhere. not now. can't read it now. but it kinda came back and probably will come back to haunt me again. did some sightseeing, not much, but the castle tour at ludwigsburg was cool and sad. royal marriages were all backed by politics and wealth. shattered. cheers to happily ever after. between the king and his mistresses. oh well maybe that's why they're all fairytales and never reality tv. caught the spanish fever there. wasn't a spanish fan yet, so missed the match, but spain won anyways..that's how torres came into the picture. sweet.





stuggart -> switzerland

mer-me(s)

kungfu fighting

recipe for adventure trip. throw two excited girls together. haha most un expected but this was the trip with most outdoor-sy stuff all with EJ, hiking up tt french mountain. twice. canyoning. cruise ride. nature nice nature nice nature nice. definitely one of the best places to be. esp interlaken. to just be there and breath is a blessing of its own. musical fountain on the last night in luzern (plus cheap skate kopping of freebies from carnival booths) really wrapped things up nicely. ;p


switzerland -> italy

maybe it's the sudden weather change fr cool balmy mountain breeze to f***ing bustling burning city. didn't enjoy italy too much. it had it's good points -- portugal won! (but my dear was sent off crying *hugs*), best gelatos (thanks to EJ), best aglio olio (cheers to EJ once more), nice florence night strolls (on all 3 nights), pretty campsite at rome [portugal won again!! *whee*] ok..i guess only venice..wasn't tt fantastic..spain lost*sobs* plus overrated romanticism which could only be possible at the expense of you wallet and if only people could be erased away with a artist's brush. like the pretty colored buildings at times thou.

hot italian babe n bouncer
italy -> spain

spain..hm could be better..had lotsa fun..amazing shopping addiction there [sales..sales and more sales] [i'm still a girl after all ;p] had shot hots at good food (pinxos, cod filet, sangria) and did enough party to lose myself halfway [thanks FK for coming back for me ;p] well i guess i was expecting more from spain than anywhere else, cos it's spain..n i really like the spanish culture and all its chaos..but well wasn't too chaotic..even pamplona was pretty manageable..hee..think of the trip in spain..probably bilbao and granada was the best..bilbao for it's food and ppl, granada for its sights and the bus trip there..endless dry arid land dotted by random whitewashed houses with richly painted doors of blue, red and green. muy bien. spent the most on the trip too though..hm..mayb about 700eurin 10days? well i kinda feel bad about having to watch my money still..with half a month left in europe still i kinda have to..but it's fk's final trip too..sigh..i hope he had fun though..at least we met some decent chicks right dude? ;p and..we didn't get anything stolen! ;p hee ok gotta congratulate ourselves cos almost everyone we know who made a trip there had a story to share..

portugal lost to germany. france lost to italy. blah.

spain -> frankfurt -> budapest

36 hours by bus to frankfurt was no joke..but it was amazing tolerable..though someone got their food bag and camera stolen whilst sleeping..i got bitten on the left foot by the unknown insect again and had my foot swollen and pus-ing for the entire journey..met a 3yr old kid tt spoke german and spanish depending on which parent he's speaking to..a artist who painted just the bust or clothes of ppl and got one of her paintings sold..discovered 10 different ways to sleep on a bus..well..yeap kinda ocupied myself with qt a bit and 36 hours went by pretty quickly..

met up with ansie in frankfurt..nice lil sleeping pad just 10min from the ity center..kitchen bathroom..working desk..bedroom all in one place..just about maybe 16 sq metres? hee kinda like a mini studio apartment..;p met up with her friends..supposed to do some historical sightseeing but ended up eating n drinking and talking abt catholism etc. haha it's amazing how these religious topics keep coming up..it even feels like it's some sort of a sign..but once again i ignore it..the end may be near but i'm just not ready to make up my mind about it yet. ah well.

but later tt evening, had a more girly talk with ansie. about sex and society. like how so different it is in europe, s.africa and singapore..well issues are pretty much the same..but i guess it's really the kinda influence we have from our family and all that results in different expectations and attitudes towards it. pre, during and post.

well after ansie left i headed back to oestrich for a couple more days..bunked at rudi's place..really nice house of ten..maybe i should have just accepted the offer n learnt cycling would probably have had gotten closer to more of them..the 4km walk from his place to sch..well wasn't appealing at first..but totally worth it..it was almost like traveling..just seeing the sights..watching the pearly green grapes hang off the vines..just tempting you to pluck one and squeeze..beautiful. i could just live here.

took a mitfahren [still don't know what it means] to budapest, met a whole bunch of hugarians (seven, one of which is my hungarian giant Zsolt) and a german. 12 hrs drive to budapest, pretty fun ride, it was Viktor's (the driver) birthday and we popped 2 sekts at midnight. he's a nice dude but pity only a lil english. n me a lil german..hee so kinda only managed to communicate with zsolt's help. hee didn't even understand his sms beyond "you are sweet..." ah well.

met up with cora and sara at the turkish baths. nice. did some silly semi-swimming-drifting in the whirlpool, aquaaerobics, and sauna. s-h-i-o-k. from 50 deg (it felt like tt) to 16 deg cold pool..
omg. kinda placed me in the perfect lazing mood. tried poppy desert later and a peppers dish by sara at her bf's place. did sightseeing on my own the next day..flea market..central market (hungary food is yummy)..tourist street..old bridge..buda palace..well highlight was actually the hungarian "bbq" at the end. gullash cooked in a cauldron over firewood(hungarian food is really yummy). met up with Zsolt's friends edina, fatzo and his wife..ok i'm terrible with names..;p but really enjoyed the evening just chatting and trying different foods and drinks..hee zsolt ended up sleeping at the table and kinda a sign tt we (at least me) should grab some shut eye before getting up 4 hours later to catch my bus. well was a short trip. too short. but at least it'll always retain it's attraction, cos there's still so much more i wanna see there.

budapest -> vienna

finally did a really nice couchsurfing experience (first one was in france, family lady; second in bilbao, funky american gal, but kena blacklisted by her landlady 2 days before we arrived) Flora, wasn't as eccentric as she claims she is and really open to introduce me to her friends and her life. we met up with her friends or sis practically everynight and did diff stuffs like movie watching, supporting a DJ friend at a bar..well it was the simple things of her life i saw that kinda made me realised that life's as boring as you not want to make things happen and is as fun filled as you want it to be. yeap thanks babe! for showing how to live life =) hee and also for that austrian 2cent *sweet*

vienna -> prague


6:07 AM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


instant boyfriend mix

well last trip back from Frankfurt to Oestrich kinda got me into the reflective mooood..thought about the Instant Boyfriend Mix cora n i was dreaming of in prague..hee kinda came up with some nonsense (after a glass of apparently strong rose), so pardon the crap ok? =)

Instant Boyfriend Mix

1 night of partying
1 set of nice party clothes
Tequila shots
Varied selection of alcohol
1 set of sexy dance moves
naked inhibition

Blend it together in a span of 4 hours

hee ok maybe "Instant Toyboy Mix" would be more relevant here..;p

===============================

looking back..2.5 months of travelling reeally ain't much..what i took away from it? it's still pretty hard to say..but one thing's for sure..it kinda reminded me how everything was really within my means..joy and sadness, excitement and boredom, independency and reliance..hee i pretty much went through all phrases of it depending on my mood..a dangerous, profound and bewildering thing..and now..i just really wish someone will be there with me..probably thus the yearning of an instant bf mix (ibm? ;p)

the road home
a long dark one
the silent breeze
carass my skin
i shudder
and stop.
midway.
at your touch
your fingertips.
on mine.
a silent walk home
footsteps echo
cos you're there
next to me.
i don't know how
you read my mind
my heart alike
to kiss my cheeks
to hold me close
and melt my heart.
tears
of happiness.
perhaps
you are the one.
perhaps.

well nt very inspirational piece..think the alcohol's worn off..kinda forgot the aching yearning feeling again..hee maybe cora can help tian2 bu3 the missing parts we talked/fantasized about *hee*

think all these thoughts are surfacing time and again..especially now with the return approaching..having super mixed thoughts..i'm looking forward to the routine..somewhat..but is the routine still there? or is it gonna be just a faint shadow of the past? ben says it'll be all back to normal in a couple of days..will it? maybe i should have a back up plan if it doesn't..at least it'll distract disappointment.

i've come to a crossroad now
walking from 22 years of familiar sg soil
and 6 months of unpredictable fate
i have to choose now
to return to where i was
with possibly unfulfiled expectations
or
to walk the path of inconsistency
i'm sort of tired
i wanna lean
on someone to decide
but no one's there
i have to decide
... ... .
5:15 AM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink