to a better place
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
belief is a funny thing. no matter how you can try denying its existence or influence. it gets you. somehow. gran's still in hospital. didn't see her today cos still feeling kinda sick from yesterday's full day there. now, i'm not even sure if i wanna visit tom now that dad told me abt the prediction that sat might be the last day. word of a medium. the medium they've always relied on. for them to seek a source of comfort from. and for grans too. i don't know what to make of it. do i believe too? does it matter? somehow it does, cos it's finally put me to work on the photo collage project i've put off for qt a while, and yet at the same time i don't really wish to visit the hospital again, to look at her after knowing the ...possible eventual truth?days are running out. and in some ways i really think it's good for her. it's all she's wanted for a long time already. and she's going to a better place. but in some selfish ways i wish it wasn't now. that it was earlier when i'm not around. or later when it just takes us all by surprise. maybe cos then i'll have the excuse to be too numb to respond. and just be glad she's found a better place.
perhaps it's all bs. now i'm not even sure to hope that or not.
