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footprints
step by step i walk this path and live my dreams

where the emptiness never fades

Friday, December 28, 2007
i've a weak spot for mandarin songs. a love-hate relationship of sorts. highly indulgent kind of sin..which..i just keep falling prey to especially when night falls.

many a time it feels almost like an addiction. an addiction to wallow in self pity / dramatise life / simply to just release the flood gates of the day-sensitive tear ducts. Thus the addiction to keep relistening to the same old *literally old* songs abt lost love n a better life.

then again it's prob due to the festivities (both the time to be with tt absent loved one..or maybe just the post high depression) plus the lunch talk trigger..thus the temptation to just childishly sink in again.

guess the amazing part is who i naturally tear over. the distant memory from 5 years ago. almost as if everything before n after tt were so insignificant & non-exisitent. hah this fact somehow brings a warm smile amid droplets rolling off the cheeks.

ah wells..guess it's prob just the quiet of the night that's echoing tt lil corner of emptiness thus all the nostalgia n bittersweet. typing this has kinda drained tt energy to concentrate on the lyrics..which is good..cos time to turn in and be all bright n smiley again at work tom.

3 more days to the new year. can't wait to start another exciting year. this yr's been filled with lots of unexpected good fortune. hope this keeps up. for myself and for everyone ard me too. *hugs*


2:12 AM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


what if?

Sunday, December 09, 2007
been a while since i last visited the site myself *even forgot the add for a while..thanks to babelfish*

anyways..i guess life's been good..prob a lil too good thus nt much grouses to air and the laziness to come up n share my simple happiness ;p

yeap for those whom i've nt been in touch with for a while..been working for alst 4 mths now..STILL enjoying it..despite tt bagging feeling of being underpaid relative to the banking folks..I guess it's like a trade off of sorts, esp hearing the rate of how friends are considering changing their jobs..

been so blessed with a gd boss..great company of newbies and colleagues..an an entire portfolio with endless opportunities to learn..heh it's almost too good to be true..;p *slight worry tt if things are tt gd already..the only way they can go is downhill..=s*

since it's almost the end of a p r e t t y eventful year..i guess with this semi-lag period now it's a gd time to reflect on what's happened in the past 12 mths..all the internship exp on jurong island..single-course term in sch..job hunting..travels in spain and now working life..mighty lot of things that have gone on in life this year..good thing is i'm kinda glad almost everything has turned out better than expected..with more to look forward to in the coming year..probably in all aspects apart frm the rlnship department..though i'm a lt more at peace now than before..

probably cos this year had turned out so well that i'm starting to reflect n the past decisions more..those from 2 years ago..to some even 4-5 years ago. On my choice of uni courses, to even pre-A levels period..it's amazing how life has turned out to be smething i probably don't regret..but still wonder if it could have been better if i didn't choose to drop chem..if i had been mroe blatent abt expressing myself..if i had given others a chance..

and now..similar questions seem to apply to me again..

perhaps it's just a character flaw..but being a flaw means it's probably something that should be corrected..but a large part of me don't want to..cos it feels like i'll be losing something i'm familiar to..something that defines me..or simply cos i just wanna stop growing up..stop being rational..just some weak attempt to be a stubborn child clinging on to her beliefs.

"My one regret in life, is that I not someone else." - Woody Allen

perhaps i was right to dream to be a cat with 9 lives when i was young..then again..is 9 really enough for one to really live life?

on a less depressing note..here's some pics from the company's d&d last week..heh think i'm still lost in the moment thus the low efficiency the past week ;p



of course the two super enthu smu foto whores ;p


two more fellow foto-whores in the pic *the i-look-dressed-up julius n try-to-spot-me magnus*

1:38 AM :: 0 comments ::

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i wanna doodle

Sunday, May 06, 2007
ok it's a mad hour for me now..thoughts are flooding into my mind..another reason why i love-hate blogging it fuzzes the mind so much it's hard to get to sleep or get a peace of mind..just feel like doodling now, a sketch of how my reflection looks like on the wall behind, under the glare of the lappy screen.

it is slightly frightening, yet oddly peaceful (maybe cos everyone's a sleep, 'cept the rumbling air con) amidst this serenity, a tinge of loneliness sinks the soul in depths of random thoughts non too negative, nor overtly sunny.

bahh i'm rambling on again..perhaps due to a terribly lack of vocabulary to accurately describe a notion. *pfffttt*

ok shall head to bed now..and in a dismal attempt to redeem my *lack of* intelligence/creativity/linguistic expertise..

here's a "daily literary quote" by French writer Andre Gide

Believe those who're seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

is this truth or just the perfect consolation for the confused mind? food for thought, i guess.
6:02 AM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n

hah~ this is probably my third attempt to write a decent blog entry tonight after two nonsensical ramblings on how difficult it is to get started..at the end of the day i can only sum it up with one word..entitled above.^

anyhows, blogging is perhaps not my fave hobby at least not in the ranks of eating, chatting, chilling and of course couch potato-ing. Friends have attributed this to sheer laziness post exchange (which is a whole year ago) , but i think i have just found a more logical reason for this persistent lack in passion of late (approx 6 mths and gg) -- i'm so numb. yep. numb to the core with things that're happening ard me, to things which might be happening in the coming weeks, probably months. So much so that even the coming spanish trip ain't really triggering tt crazy wander bug in me. maybe cos i know it'll just be a short stint, too short for me to truly enjoy it, but just long enough to make me hate whatever's coming up after it--life of a jobless bummer.

well i'm not depressed or anything. perhaps frustrated, cos finding the job that "i wanna do" that "interests me" doesn't seem to be found anywhere except in the good old wineyards of oestrich winkel. i know it's a plausible dream. in fact, all i need is just a few years of toiling in some fancy bank or mnc and it'll all probably come through. and yet i see no motivation in doing so. somehow just being in the city irks me so. and mayb that's also why deep inside i don't really mind interning at the far west and into hours past sunset when the cold metal machines light up with power beams and actually look like a fantasy city of the future.

just last thursday, i experienced 3 cities in 12 hrs. rather 3 different facets of the city in 12 hrs. the quiet awakening of a developing suburb > the bustling rush of the fast paced present > a shimmering futuristic city of lights..

in each i saw its charm. in each i felt like a spectator. enchanted yet distant. like i can just disappear into the crowd and peacefully watch in mild wonder and never feel the urge to be a part of it. if man was given a choice to browse through the kind of life he wanted, these three cities are probably the ones i'd love to travel to and experience, but not live a life in. in them, i don't see a life, lest not for me.

i've digressed. in short, i've grown too impatient waiting for my dream lifestyle to arrive. which, is ironic, cos if i worked harder it'll probably come sooner right? at least that's what I've been brought up to believe. but if life was fated to turn out that way, does it matter so much then?



so where am i now? i wonder.

**p.s. i've nt been entirely lazy either, already going on to resume #3, slow but making progress. ;p
5:34 AM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


happiness down memory lane

Sunday, January 28, 2007
discovery #1: the long lost AQUA cheer

1,2,3,4
Come on Shout out more n more
5,6,7,8
Don't you think our house is Great?
We're cool!
You're not!
So Aqua show them what we've got!
OOooooOOOooh.. AQUA!
A Q U A
Aqua we are SUT SUT eh!
Better watch out cos we're coming this way!
Chikalangka piya piya
Chikalangka piya piya
SA!

discovery #2: i was hyper talkative during maths n physics lectures!

my partners in crime included my ever-there ger, Ling Huey, motor-cute-mouth, Jolin, fellow-biach, Cui Ru, and of course tt LHB er zi, Hanxian~

haha no wonder i never did well in school..hehe..btw found my prelims results too..oh my who every thought i'd make it to uni with those grades..even had a letter prepared for our beloved discipline mistress abt my grades..thank god it nvr had to see daylight..

discovery #3: the forgotten moments
top of the list..lorr actually wrote me a thank you note *lil gasp* well it's prob outta formality n all, being tt all too nice gal..but still..the thought's still a sweet one..if u're ever tuning in babe, the pleasure was all mine to have had each of ya sluts in hse reps *grins* i won't have wished for anyone more or less from our group of six..*hugs*

next in order..my two OGs..haa looking at the cards u guys left makes this OGL feel dem guilty for not remembering your names..i swear reading their messages, i remembered every one of your faces..n the times during camp..when we laughed tog..and when we were planning on pon-ing tog..haha n..many thanks for tt wonderful concoction of Macs sauces from tt number game I taught ya..*shame on ya* for bullying ur OGL *blleaagghhss*

...lots more to add..but dad's a nag..update more of my findings tom..

the tribute continues..*sleep tight my dear friends*
10:36 PM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


ramblings

Thursday, November 09, 2006
my horoscope today reads:

Sometimes the trappings of success don't make you feel successful -- they make you feel stressed out. You're not like everyone else. You may just have different standards for success. Learn what makes you happy.

still trying to figure through the last line but the first does hit the cord at the moment. the first of the 3 hell weeks is just concluded today but i'm not where near estatic, satisfied nor motivated. in fact i'm actually feeling a wave of disappointment for not having done better..

maybe the grey matter up there's just to accustomed to whirling one i haven't caught up with the emotional and physical balance yet..something just feels not right *frustrated*

------

cass's bro won the subaru contest this week, but what was really fascinating was what she told joel yest abt the value of money to "people like (her)"..it's amazing how there's still such distinct differences in monetary value influenced by one's upbringing. but at least they both seem to have striked a balance in their opinion, their financial resources and their lifestyle. compared to both i seem to still have difficulty even determining what the dollar means..

------

prof asked us yesterday if any of us "budding entrepreneurs" were involved in any community based programmes that value added to the society - n o n e -
so much for all the aces in bgs and ethics and community service hours
at the end of the day social services aint really most ppl's ultimate choice cup of tea
maybe its really time to practise what i preached in those d2d proposals..which is one reason why cora's never stopped impressing me with her involvement at changi prison and yrp..her intrinsic motivation is truly an inspiration..
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long long time ago..

Monday, October 23, 2006
feeling kinda guilty suddenly for not posting n yet complaining tt my pals post soo infrequently *sorry chel~* so just popped by to update on life in sg.. eh..since my last post..break week 8 went by..and so did the crazy-shag-week 9 which sorta brought me on a rollercoaster ride for the 14 days..practically ran through all the emotions the life as a sg student can trigger in that 1,209,600 seconds *woah*

as usual, break week started full of vigor and great plans to finish all my projects within the 7 days of lesson free time..at the end of which, ended in a huge failure *again* though we did pull of some pretty productive meetings *thumbs up* school aside did manage to catch up a lil on my wanna-do list..

>>spent a few bucks with rita at vivocity *quick update to those away..it's the largest shopping mall in sg at the moment..abt 1.5 times suntec i think..hee jsut imagine marina and suntec combined kinda outlets in the west..a w e s o m e*

>>cultural update with a quick peek at lil' jerusalem with yunfeng..a film abt a jewish girl trying to reconcile the conflicting influences of the western philosophical theories at school, her pious jewish upbringing and her desire for love..all of which she seems to be in control of, except that of love which serves as the ultimate challenge of the beliefs she has developed over the year. Her sis and brother-in-law sheds more light on jewish customs and conflicts that even the most religious face..somehow bringing forth questions about faith once again, how do you achieve complete faith withou doubt? is faith a means or an end? is it unquestionable now cos it's the almighty rulebook written over thousands of years, or should it be challenged with changing times..and even changed to fit the changes? if the latter's true, what then are the followers placing their faith in? well just some random thoughts for the moment...


>>dancing queen happiness at mambo with rs and met sheerene ah-ma too! *haven't met her for almost a year le!* plus anna's bday too *gotta rem her actual bday's today i think*

>>fruitful friendly heart to heart session with the out going crew at internal elections..hee this sorta incidental things..it's so hard to explain why or how, but people just seem to open their hearts so much more easily then..management theories behind it?? h a a well i'll think about it another time..meanwhile just be glad it happened..better late than never ;p

>>youthful desires~ hee all fulfilled at Cinddie's bday..kinda sad turn out from the BSM grp but got to know some of the cheerleaders there..hee actually feel a l i t t l e guilty for passing them as bimbs w/o a 2nd glance..*sorry* great party nonetheless!! ;p *kinda cute wakeboarder spotted too*wahaha*

>>crazy biahing preparations for project: NPD, EBC (x2!!), IB, Change Mgmt, Strategy..haa dun wanna relive it again *fat chance* but yeah..well this was just the begining of the disaster cos lots of fun in week 8 => lack of sleep + lots of piled up work in week 9 PLUS mid-terms PLUS more project work => 2 hr snoozes everyday + caffine addiction + highly strung sabby + loss of appetite + frozen brain cells = Z O M B I E..annnd to top it off, my first internship interview right smack at the end of the week. well, how else can the results be. dead meat.

so to sum it up net happiness over the past 2 weeks, measured based on sufficiency of rest, fun, friends and chilling = n i l

*baahhh* it's hols again this tues, so mon's ktv night with ge shen~ haha it's just 2 hrs into the new week and it's already looking great c h e e r s~
1:24 AM :: 1 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


turning green

Tuesday, October 10, 2006
in the span of 5min my right hand just turned entirely unwashabe-ly blue-green..eww kinda facinated..awed ;p

anyhows caught lil miss sunshine with rita at vivocity today..

1. lil miss sunshine
sweet lil movie without stiring the usual your-family-will-always-stand-by-you yawns, but rather the kind that really sets you thinking how every irritating aspect in the family is what makes it unique, thurs truly yours. at the end of the day, i guess only your family can accept the person you are, stand by you, piss you off and give you the courage and drive to make something out of your life. well, still it's just the films whether it happens in reality, or rather will i ever feel this way towards my family, i still can't ascertain that. i can recognise how they've influenced my life, my parents, aunts, esp my younger sis, but whether i have or will i ever have any influence in their lives..or for that matter, actually influenced anyone significantly..i'm still highly doubtful. it's like i don't matter as much as others to me. wells, i've always thought it's a natural thing--charms, to attract people, or at least a particular special someone, you either have it or you just don't..but it's just odd to be the only one that hasn't experience that. maybe the day's yet to come.. really? it's already 22years overdue. *ponders*

2. rita & vivocity
hee retail therapy rocks!! haha..well girls will be girls right~ kinda went a lil crazy at forever 21 today, though i only ended up with a top n a dress..i'm sure if i were in the exchange mood, there'd be 80eur credited to my expense easily. but convincing rita to get her 59sgd dress kinda eased my conscience a lil *hey the dress was really cute on her too though so it was a worthy buy first, and easing my conscience 2nd..hope to catch her in it soon*
found the topshop jacket i wanted..its 108sgd..thus placing it automatically on the dream-on list of items..i'm still qt a stingy shopper at the end of the day..
first time into the crocs shop, rita was looking for a pair of croc slip-on mary janes for her mum *so filial* but unlike the regular birkies that are supposedly good, these crocs rock!! i'm actually truly convinced that its actually orthopedic and good-for-the-feet and wallet too! *just $47.90 woo~*
vivocity's still pretty unfinished with many shops yet to open..and the floors are all still pretty bright and sparkly *superstar feel* given you don't actually slip on the polished tiles~ though rita says it's not supposed to be a heartland mall with all the upper market shops (vs the regular sightings of gio-ntuc-ah lian shops), there seemed a lot more aunties going around whilst the office folks just swarm the new gourmet spots. it's hard to tell if vivo's gonna be a success or just another momentary hotspot, but at least it's good news for people in the pasir panjang area, would probably be expecting more aunties in the area sporting zaras and forever 21s at the sunday food markets soon~
9:49 PM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


true measure of brightness's only when darkness falls

spirits a lil up today after lotsa prep talk from people around *besos*..also made some headway with the dreaded IB test and EBC meeting went really smoothly and on time (a first?? ;p)

anyhows running a poll with a friend to see which dog is a more popular choice for a pet:

pug vs sausage dog

vs

drop me a message to poll k?? ;p

1:36 AM :: 0 comments ::

sabz :: permalink


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