p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n
Sunday, May 06, 2007
hah~ this is probably my third attempt to write a decent blog entry tonight after two nonsensical ramblings on how difficult it is to get started..at the end of the day i can only sum it up with one word..entitled above.^anyhows, blogging is perhaps not my fave hobby at least not in the ranks of eating, chatting, chilling and of course couch potato-ing. Friends have attributed this to sheer laziness post exchange (which is a whole year ago) , but i think i have just found a more logical reason for this persistent lack in passion of late (approx 6 mths and gg) -- i'm so numb. yep. numb to the core with things that're happening ard me, to things which might be happening in the coming weeks, probably months. So much so that even the coming spanish trip ain't really triggering tt crazy wander bug in me. maybe cos i know it'll just be a short stint, too short for me to truly enjoy it, but just long enough to make me hate whatever's coming up after it--life of a jobless bummer.
well i'm not depressed or anything. perhaps frustrated, cos finding the job that "i wanna do" that "interests me" doesn't seem to be found anywhere except in the good old wineyards of oestrich winkel. i know it's a plausible dream. in fact, all i need is just a few years of toiling in some fancy bank or mnc and it'll all probably come through. and yet i see no motivation in doing so. somehow just being in the city irks me so. and mayb that's also why deep inside i don't really mind interning at the far west and into hours past sunset when the cold metal machines light up with power beams and actually look like a fantasy city of the future.
just last thursday, i experienced 3 cities in 12 hrs. rather 3 different facets of the city in 12 hrs. the quiet awakening of a developing suburb > the bustling rush of the fast paced present > a shimmering futuristic city of lights..
in each i saw its charm. in each i felt like a spectator. enchanted yet distant. like i can just disappear into the crowd and peacefully watch in mild wonder and never feel the urge to be a part of it. if man was given a choice to browse through the kind of life he wanted, these three cities are probably the ones i'd love to travel to and experience, but not live a life in. in them, i don't see a life, lest not for me.
i've digressed. in short, i've grown too impatient waiting for my dream lifestyle to arrive. which, is ironic, cos if i worked harder it'll probably come sooner right? at least that's what I've been brought up to believe. but if life was fated to turn out that way, does it matter so much then?
so where am i now? i wonder.
**p.s. i've nt been entirely lazy either, already going on to resume #3, slow but making progress. ;p
